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AraminaTandulan, DIA
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Wet dreams (10th palkat)

07/06/2017


Wet Dreams (10th Palkat)

Aramina P Tandulan, DIA, DJ, Esq, LLB, BSChem


Note: Title is supposed to be ‘Sweet Dreams’ as explained in 2nd Palkat.


Are you warm, are you real, Mona Lisa?
Or just a cold and lonely
Lovely work of art?
-Nat King Cole


Disclaimer: This work of fiction is based on true events and confessions during my trials and tribulations. Names, places, and events are slightly modified and altered not to sensationalize but to hide the true personae and identities of the characters and any similarities to your real life experiences are purely accidental, co-incidental, and unintended. Peks man, cross my heart and hope to die. Discretion is strongly advised as some readers might find the contents just a little suggestive.


“Alex, they are here, Heneral Ramas’ helicopter has just landed at the north parking lot.” Detective Charlie’s nervous voice crackled slightly over the radio.

F/SI Alexandria D. Dario pulled out her SZ Peepers, her SuperZoom binoculars and surveyed the helicopter which couldn’t land at the rooftop being occupied by the hostiles. Standing near the helicopter door was her Uncle JC to welcome the new arrivals… what the… Uncle JC was just here in the staging area, she muttered to herself as she looked around the room; her Uncle JC indeed has somehow miraculously trasported himself from the staging area to the parking lot instantaneously.

There’s something about Uncle JC, F/SI Alex muttered as she continued to survey the helicopter and her Uncle JC. Amazingly, with his long hair, he is starting to look like Uncle Jesse in Full House… no, F/SI Alex shook her head, with his facial hair which had grown longer, Uncle JC is looking more and more like the real JC, the Superstar, the Judge of the Living and the Dead. And why on earth is Uncle JC wearing a white robe, F/SI Alex muttered, he usually wears a judge’s black robe.

First to come out is… is that Miss January… no, not the centerfold, F/SI Alex nearly giggled, but Miss January Isaac… but no, not really her, that is Miss Henrietta, her hair and bandanna being waved by the slight wind… and right behind her is … her husband Giancarlo Istante with his baseball bat. She zoomed on the baseball bat, WOW, that is a long and big baseball bat, Alex muttered to herself trying to repress her smile.

Nurse Norida who was checking on the hovering drone with her own SZ Peepers also noticed the baseball bat being wielded by Giancarlo and couldn’t suppress her giggles when she remembered that day when Don Huan was moping while mopping the hospital floor in the geriatrics hospital, why are you moping Don Huan, Nurse Norida asked, force of habit Nurse Norayda, one of my previous tasks at the Raleigh hospital in North Carolina was to mop the floor. No I mean Don Huan, why are you moping, why are you sulking or you are just trying to deflect my question, or probably because you read the news about Jennifer Lopez dating Alex Rodriguez. HMP, no mas nurse Norayda, I don’t care anymore whether she dates rappers or expired baseball players… waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah! Ulpit biag!

Even Detective Precious H. Polito was distracted by Giancarlo’s humongous baseball bat. She couldn’t focus on her task at hand momentarily. That is almost as big as Charlie’s batuta, his Melee Baton S-B®, Detective Preci mused, a Super-Batuta® melee baton.

She suddenly remembered the one time when they were in their surveillance car, it was raining hard and they could hardly see the house they were surveilling. She was absentmindedly playing with Detective Charlie’s Super-Batuta® at that time, it has a lot of functionalities Preci, Charlie whispered, teach me how to use them Charlie, Preci whispered back. Amused by the smoothness of the head and the shaft, she absentmindedly enclosed her fingers around the shaft, squeezed and caressed the smoothness of the shaft, moving her fingers up and down along the smooth shaft, Preci was almost tempted to lick the shiny knob which looked so inviting like a shiny lollipop. Preci, Charlie whispered under his breath, your boyfriend… Edo is out standing… yes Charlie, Edo is really an outstanding firefighter… no Preci, your boyfriend is really out standing in the rain surveilling us and watching you play with my Super-Batuta®, he is getting so wet. OMG Edo honey! Come inside, in the backseat, Detective Preci commanded, pointing Charlie’s melee baton at Edo, the flashlight functionality turned on, what’s the matter with you Edo, you’ll gonna catch cold! Edo, looking like a wet chick, a basang-sisiw shivered and sneezed; haaaaaatswang!

F/SI Alex resumed peeping. Behind Giancarlo was the bold and beautiful Miss Eva Mendes…no, that’s Kumander Cristi Corpuz, F/SI Alex corrected herself, General Ramas’ personal bodyguard… and now General Ramas himself. Then Marco San and his band appeared. F/SI Alex couldn’t resist focusing and zooming on Lisa May and her husband. Lisa May still looks gorgeous, F/SI Alex thought. She could still remember her cuzin Ron and Lisa May singing in the gazebo at her Auntie Magda and Uncle JC’s backyard. Lisa May was playing her guitar:

You saaaaay
I'm crazy
'Cause you don't think I know what you've done
But when you call me baby
I know I'm not the only one

They were inseparable then, F/SI Alex thought, cuzin Ron and Lisa May when they were boypren and gelpren, but why would they be singing that song by Sam Smith, I Know I’m not the Only One. Ha? Some space and time warp? But enihu, that turned out to be a portentous song for them, F/SI Alex continued to muse, because as inseparable as they were, they had to separate physically when cuzin Ron had to go to UN Medical Center to study Ob-Gyn…University of New York…quite a distance…cuzin Ron nearly went crazy, nearly lost his mind when he learned Lisa May got married… well, he had only himself to blame, he focused too much on perfecting the

Art of Birthing

that he neglected Lisa May… she had needs… women have needs too, you know.

F/SI Alex refocused her SZ Peepers on the helicopter door. Miss Brenda was carrying her only begotten son with Marco San, Kalis Marco San, whose large eyes seemed to bulge and widen when he saw Detective Preci. Hmn, kids, Alex muttered.

Then Mayora Annette, the Phoebe Cates look-alike, or domestically, the Sharon Cuneta/Ara Mina look-alike, or the wan-en-onli, one and only Mayora for Karm… of course I know Karm The Professional Cajoler kuno, F/SI Alex muttered, that philandering husband of Rosario… surprising really that Rosario has not scissored his Billitt ala Bobbitt, F/SI Alex giggled.

Behind Mayora Annette was her darkglasses-wearing boypren. Even during nights… probably he is blind, F/SI Alex mused, because with him is his dog… his guide dog? He is looking more like… San Rocco, the saint with a dog. F/SI Alex suddenly remembered the gossip about Mayora Annette’s new boypren, apparently, the new boypren is a look-alike to her ex-boypren who had died of a heart attack… even her ex-boypren’s wife, Madam Mary, she thinks Mayora Annette’s new boypren looks like her husband the late Lakay Kalis, Mayora Annette’s ex-boypren… ha?

OMG! Naggulo! Kasla kulku-kulkol a cassette tape ni Sharon Cuneta!

Then of course, there was also that gossip about the new boypren’s dog. Apparently, the dog has been possessed by the soul of Pavlov’s dog, that the dog would howl when he sees a sexy woman. F/SI Alex couldn’t believe initially but she laughed when the dog howled when her Auntie Magda danced during the Karmanet Sari-Sari Store Kabikulan grand opening, that’s right, I was there, F/SI muttered, my Auntie Magda can make dogs and men howl when she dances because she used to be an exotic dancer, a

Hot Biba Babe

True enough, Mayora Annette’s boyfriend’s dog howled when he saw Detective Precious Polito. F/SI Alex could just shake her head. Dogs, she muttered.


Meanwhile, kabayatanna, while F/SI Alexandria D. Dario was peeping at the howling dog, Christine was keeping a keen eye on her visitor, the talking wet pussycat. She was still perplexed by the notion that a cat can really talk.

“Here kitty-kitty, what do you have in your mouth… a mouse? You brought me food… how sweet! Come here kitty-kitty… are you real, can you really talk… or I am just hallucinating… OMG! They might think I am doing drugs! What will Charlie my police detective boyfriend say… come on kitty, say something, did someone cut your tongue… or probably you are just a work of art, a doll or a tirtiris… you look like… you are shivering… are you cold?”

Suddenly the purring, talking wet pussycat shook its body to dry its furs and then the cat sneezed:

“Hatswi!”

The mouse flew from its mouth. Suddenly, the cat did not appear to be wet anymore.

“OMG!” Christine yelped. She suddenly recognized the cat. “That’s my cat! My Monalisa!”

That’s right, Christine gleefully muttered to herself, I named my cat Monalisa. I call her Mona. Sometimes Moning, or Muning…

“Here Mona, come here Muning, come to mommy.”



Aramina P Tandulan, DIA, DJ, Esq, LLB, BSChem ©2017





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